Suicide is not forever
A mother’s story
January of 1999 was a traumatic year for our family, beginning with the suicide of our youngest child, a much loved and very gifted young man. He was a gentle man, a musician who enjoyed playing the piano, often pieces he had written, for the family and for the church he attended.
There were several unresolved conflicts in his young life which tormented his mind and emotions, drawing him into a dark side of the artistic life and into relationships with friends we would not have chosen for him.
By 1997 we knew our precious son was headed toward destruction, if nothing was done to prevent the downward slide of his emotions and lifestyle. When he would visit, we would talk and he would acknowledge the validity of the counsel his father and I would offer. He would return to his own life, things would seem to level off briefly, then the downward cycle would start over again
There seemed to be a pattern, as the depressed moods seemed to be growing deeper, and the periods of normalcy seemed to be growing shorter. During the depressed periods, his decisions were unsound and self-destructive. We know now, that very dark, demonic forces were definitely bent on his destruction.
Inevitably, there was a series of job failures and clashes with the law which greatly compounded his problems and the pain for our family as we felt helpless to turn this situation around and stop the destructive downward spiral.
It was during this long, dark time in our lives that I began to learn some very deep, life-changing lessons of my own.
I was to come to realize the excruciatingly painful lesson that our precious child did not belong to us. He belonged to God and to continue to pull against this downward spiral was not only futile, the effort was wearing me out and robbing me of peace and health.
Finally, I faced the reality we were dealing with: The Lord showed me, in the Spirit, a scene where I was standing on a grassy knoll, with my back to a steep embankment, at the bottom of which were sharp rocks jutting up. In the vision, our son was running rapidly toward me: As he approached me I stepped aside and allowed him to run toward the embankment and the sharp rocks below…
Instantly, I knew the meaning of the vision…I had to let him go or go with him… If I exerted any more effort to prevent his decision, I would be trampled and dragged onto the rocks myself.
Strange as it seems, this was my preparation for our final goodbye and for closure for me…leading to my being able to receive God’s comfort and release our son: The last time we talked, as he was leaving our home, we had hugged and said “I love you”. As he was going out the door, he paused and came back into the dining room. He said, “Mom, give me one more hug. I don’t know when I’ll see your face again.” Two weeks later he was gone.
For about a year and a half, I cried every night after we went to bed, though we forced ourselves to resume our normal routines. Finally, one night I had an amazing encounter with the Lord.: I was beginning my normal, by-then “crying ritual” when the Lord spoke strongly and commandingly to me. “Hold your arms up”. As I obeyed, He continued, “You have been carrying his pain. He has no more pain. Give this to me and stop crying. I am not going to hear you anymore about this.”
I struggled briefly with this and even became angry, but soon repented and could praise the Lord for taking such a huge burden from me. Eventually I was delivered from a spirit of grief and attending demonic spirits that had gained entrance from such a prolonged grieving period.
I offer this testimony in hopes that it will bring hope and comfort to other grieving parents who are forced to deal with the horrendous situation of the suicide of a child.
Now, ten years later, I have such fond memories of our son and look forward to the time we will see him again, knowing he is indeed alive and well and continuing his journey in another dimension with our loving sovereign Father God.
May you who read this be blessed.
Cathi Nowlen
A father’s story
Wait just a moment please! I have been told, almost without exception, that when a person commits SUICIDE they will spend eternity in a place of fire and torment, a place called Hell. But is that true? What does the Word of God say about life and death? Who really gives life and takes life...who has that authority? I had to have some answers as our youngest son took his own life in January of 1999. We watched his downward spiral for several years and could not stop it. But it happened, and we had to deal with it. We could not put it in a closet and pretend that it did not happen. This was a painful reality for our family.
As his father I watched our son slip into deep emotional pain and periods of depression mixed with periods of highs. His love of music and poetry shined through, even in those darkening days. He knew I loved him and I knew he loved me.
It was on a Monday that I would hear his voice for the last time. 2 weeks later he was gone into a different dimension. I began to ask questions, to have doubts about his eternal state. I was confused because no one until that time had ever revealed the truth of God’s Word to me about such matters. I got angry but repented and found peace with my Creator, but it took some time. A few years later a minister friend of ours visited us and suicide came up in the conversation. Shortening a long explanation he showed us that emotional pains and fears are no different than the agonizing pains of cancer or some other dread situation. Some people just reach a point where their faith ends, the pain becomes unbearable and they end the pain by taking their own life…through suicide.
After the suicide we heard such statements as …“You commit suicide and you burn forever in the torments of Hell”, or “Suicide is a sin that God cannot forgive”, or “I just don’t know”. In 2006 the Lord led a minister to ask me a surprising question: “What SIN is not covered by the shed blood of Jesus Christ?”. I had no answer at that moment, and was asked to “think about it” and get back with him. I did pray and the Holy Spirit began to show me that ALL SINS are covered by the shed blood of Christ - no exceptions. The subject that loomed so large before me was the sovereignty of God, that is, God being sovereign in ALL things. He is the creator and since He is creator He is responsible for all things. This includes His absolute right to end the life of any one of His children at a time of His choosing. I realized that God owns our children. God chooses the parents of a child. They are a gift from God so He is responsible for them.
Great peace and comfort began to emerge in my spirit and soul as I began to see how much God loves each one of us. He has a plan that will include everyone being with Him at some time of His own choosing. Wow! What a loving revelation He gave me!
God showed me that our son is with Him in a different dimension. He is fine and God is finishing out a work in him. I will see him again one day…healed, happy and totally peaceful.
A major question is this: is there anything that can separate any of us from the love of God… NO, absolutely nothing.
The Word of God says this in many scriptures. I share with you the verses of truth and comfort God showed me. If any of you have experienced such a tragedy as suicide please go to His Word…read it and believe it!
Put aside any pre-conceived ideas and let the Lord minister His truth to you.
Not even suicide stopped God’s awesome love for our son … or for any of your loved ones who committed suicide. God knew beforehand what would happen and when. Rest on that truth!
1 SAMUEL 2:6 – “The LORD kills and makes alive; He brings down to Sheol and raises up”
ISAIAH 26:19 – “Your dead will live; …”
ISAIAH 25:8 – “He will swallow up death for all time…”
PSALM 115:3 – “But our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases”
PSALM 145:9 – “The Lord is good to all, and His mercies are over all His works”
ECCLESIASTES 8:8 – “…or authority over the day of death”
ACTS 3:19-21 – “…until the restoration of ALL things” ( A day is coming when God will restore all things as they should be, according to His will )
ROMANS 8:38 – “neither DEATH…will be able to separate us from the love of God…”
1 CORINTHIANS 15:22 – “For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ ALL WILL BE MADE ALIVE”
God is love - 1 JOHN 4:7-10 – His love is unconditional for all people.
1 CORINTHIANS 15:26 – “The last enemy that will be abolished is death”
Be encouraged to believe in God’s mercy and love if you have suffered the loss of a loved one from suicide, because suicide is not forever.
Paul Nowlen
2009
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Paul and Cathi Nowlen Free in the Lord Ministries POB 386 Bedford TX 76095-0386 e-Mail Paul Nowlen
