Roger W. - Music covered his rejection pains … became his god

Roger grew up in a family with abuse, control and dysfunction among his parents and siblings. Jezebel and Ahab parents. Disconnected siblings. Subtle racism. Roger is the older of several children, all having some musical talents. Because of abusive parental control and emotional starvation Roger turned to the world of music when a teenager in his formative years, where he could “hide out” and lose himself with the emotions that certain kinds of music cause. Music became a “sedative” to him, calming emotional pains he suffered. There appeared no solution for him but his talent for music. At least he had something he could “hold on to”. He was active in his local church, high-school activities like marching band and a small dance band. Things looked good. At least he thought so at the time.

Music became his companion, his “family”, his “god” … giving comfort which should have come from his parents. Roger does not blame his parents, for they were products of their upbringing, knowing nothing of deliverance ministry, certainly not in their denominational church, being activity-based rather than based on the needs of the individual member. Roger branched out and began playing in honky-tonks, rock groups & country clubs. Searching for emotional support and comfort he entered an early marriage which failed. Like the song “Looking for love in all the wrong places” Roger went from relationship to relationship, mixing music with alcohol, tobacco and drugs, resulting in destroyed and hurtful relationships, offenses and a lot of bitterness and unforgiveness.

Music became Roger’s god instead of a real relationship with Jesus Christ, which came years later, resulting in a totally changed life for Roger and those in his life. Music was his cocaine, his “drug of choice”. Music definitely stirs one’s emotions. It can be a helpful activity, especially in praising the Lord, but too many people, including Roger, use it to cover their pains. Addictions are “pain-related” and he became addicted to music, it became his god, his “drug of choice”.

Jesus began a deeper cleansing work with Roger after 2000, exposing him to the wonderful ministry of deliverance. It was not easy, for Roger had to come to realize the control music had in his life. When he played music it was obvious to those around him that he was “playing out his pain”, not only in the songs he played but in the way he played his instrument. “Entertainment spirits” controlled him. To be accepted by others, who “noticed” his music, Roger’s rejection was fulfilled (or so he thought). The Lord opened the heart and mind of Roger to his music addiction (actually rejection, bitterness and unforgiveness). Roger began to heal, turning from music to the Lord, putting Christ first in his life, his musical talents being used to praise and worship the Lord.

Do demon spirits of rejection, entertainment and hurt still attack? Yes they do … but Roger has learned to do spiritual warfare (EPH 6:14-18), to rebuke these spirits in the “name of Jesus” and to have fellow believers stand in agreement with him as he battles these forces. They no longer control him. Roger does not stand alone. Jesus is real to him and is his deliverer. Roger understands LUKE 4:18 in a deeper personal way, knowing how much the Lord loves him and accepts him. Roger sees 1 JOHN 4:18 as God intends. Perfect love casts out all fears. That perfect love is GOD, for God is love. God loves Roger and loves you.

If music is a “god” in your life then be encouraged by what the Lord has done for Roger and continues to do. Jesus will help you also if you sincerely seek Him for help. Deliverance ministry works for those who hurt and want to be set free by Jesus Christ. There is no other way to be set free except by true deliverance.

December 2009 - ADDENDUM: A person has to experience a "core breaking" of himself to really be set free. Breaking the core demands that the "little boy or little girl" running around inside the person has to be brought out and destroyed. This is very painful and for while leaves the person with little or no identity, as God makes the person into who and what HE wants them to be. This "breaking" came in early May of 2008 while Roger was alone on a vacation/ministry trip to several southeastern states. The trip was successful. Roger was returning home, had reached western Alabama around sundown on a beautiful day, and had a "intense experience with the Holy Spirit" in his vehicle for some 90 minutes.

Roger cried out to the Lord saying, "I hurt, I am confused, I don't understand what is going on". Later that night the Lord had Roger write down a long list of issues and matters that needed to be handled. The list surprised Roger for it basically centered on music and how music had ruled his life for so many years. The next morning the Lord had Roger re-write the list, pray over it and as the trip continued back home Roger began to see the "other personality" (the "little Roger") that controlled much of his life and had caused him untold grief and suffering, also hurting many people in his life.

Roger met with his pastor, a deliverance minister, and opened up to him. After some heart-wrenching conversation it was evident that this was the much-needed "breaking" that Roger needed to go through in order for the Lord to make Roger into a useful vessel for His service. Roger had been hiding behind music for years, using music to cover his inner hurts, rejections, anger, etc. Music is often like a sedative and Roger had often turned to music instead of facing his problems openly and with transparency in a safe situation with person/persons who would love him and not reject him or condemn him for his faults and bondages.

Has Roger completely overcome this situation with music ruling much of his life? No! But Roger is a much changed, more loving and understanding person now and growing in freedom from his past and the powerful grips emotionally and otherwise that music had on his life. Music is good, a gift from God, but Satan can take something good, pervert it and bring a person into a captivity that can and has destroyed many a musician or music lover. God is delivering Roger and giving him a new and balanced life. Roger continues to engage in music but with a godly understanding and appreciation. He has a balanced perspective of music now.

The "core" person or false personality in each of us must surface and be destroyed. It is painful and lonely to go through the transition but oh so peaceful and worthwhile to become a "new creature in Christ". Roger has done it...so can you. Be encouraged to face the "little person inside you", bring him out, destroy him as God leads, and become someone new with a godly love and confidence.